Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in spinthebottle89's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 13th, 2005
12:37 am	hi. i know..i said..that was gonna be the last journal entry but hey look. i havent updated since lyke 5 months ago. so yeah. things are..different...im not depressed. but everyone around me seems to be...this..confuses me. im so used to being the depressed one and now i look around and see that i'm the one who is ok now and everyone else is all oh my god its the end of the world. i dont know. its crazy. anyways...ive made alot of mistakes...fucked alot of shit up...but i've learned...and i know whats goin on and i think i got my head on straight now. i know i love cody. i've always known that. the shit with kryss kinda fucked things up for a bit. but..i hate kryss and the fucking greasy fat pig that he is. i hate his fucking cow whale whore. i cant believe he dropped out of school to marry that bitch. i see..he is scum..and i should have seen it before. but..lyke i said before..drugs n sex can do sum crayzee shit. i think everything's gunna be alryte. i just need to work on helping those around me who need my help. i just hope i dont sink back into depression while trying to help. the thought of feeling lyke that again makes me shudder. i hope i never EVER feel that way again. well im gunna go. .? Current Mood: blah Current Music: Some Fuckin' How - Violent J (1 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
10:11 pm	Last Update ever. I have decided i'd rather not bother with this whole journal thing. It always seems to have some type of negative impact on everything. Its kind of stupid to keep an online journal anyways...who would want everyone to read all your private thoughts n such. i dunno. so yeah this is the last update ever. layter. .? Current Mood: blah Current Music: The Nobodies - Marilyn Manson (3 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
10:21 am	...im sorry ...I feel really bad about alot of things. But mainly i feel really bad about the way i feel. I wish i felt the same way i used to about cody but as hard as i try, i still end up feeling like i would rather be with kryss. N i feel lyke shit because i realize how much cody loves me and i really really wish i still felt that way but i just don't. im so sorry. maybe things will change. ..ryan.. i hope u dont hate me forever...although i would completely understand if you did. ...gwen...i love you! im glad we got a chance to hang out. hahahaha...i promise i wont tell ne one about ur "accident"..:) gotta go. .? Current Mood: high Current Music: Clarissa - Mindless Self Indulgence (3 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
3:22 pm	i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you I FUCKING HATE YOU!!   Don't fucking talk to me. I want nothing to do with you. I want nothing to do with Cody. And you know what? It's your fault that i am not even trying to salvage what feelings i had left for him. FUCK CODY! yeah thats right fuck the guy who i have been absolutely obsessed with for a long ass time. fuck the guy who i cried and cut myself so much over. IM HAPPY NOW! DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU??? do you not care that i've actually been able to be happy?  I FUCKING HATE YOU! alright? Leave me the fuck alone. i dont give a fuck about you anymore. cut yourself as much as u fucking want. Kill yourself for all i care. Ok? Just forget about me. Pretend i dont exist. Pretend i never did. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU!     dont ever fucking talk to me again.   you asshole.   **Sammi Current Mood: I HATE YOU!! Current Music: Sunny Day - Zug Izland (3 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Friday, October 1st, 2004
5:36 pm	I can't remember. But how can my memories leave me? I haven't updated in a long long tyme kuz my internet has been fuct up. newayz yeah....im a whore n i just don't give a fuck ne more. U all know that im goin' out with Chris n just...whutever. I rly do love cody but u know whut he'd be better off without me so i'll just go ahead n be a whore. i just don't rly think me n cody were gonna last neways. i fuckin love him but idk...itz lyke...i can't stop myself frum doin' stuff with other guyz so why even try. I do lyke chris so yeah. I'm just gunna keep goin out with him. N ryan if ur reading this i know ur fucking pissed as all hell but seriously im so confused n i dont know whut the fuck im doin. You said you'd never be mad at me but i think u lied. I just hope u can forgive me. I hurt alot of ppl by going out with chris. I see that now. Alot of ppl kinda look at me lyke...how could you? But u know whut i havn't rly lyked ne one since Cody left but i rly do lyke Chris. N im not about to just not go out with him n not even know when codys comin' back or if itz even gunna work out. i mean i rly hope it will but i think for one thing he's gunna be pissed at me n he probly will never forgive me for all the shit i've done. N besides we're only 14 n 15....u can't tell me that we'll last forever lyke i wanted to. I've seen too many marriages fall apart. I wuz insane to even think we would. im probly never ever gunna marry im alwayz gunna be terrified of divorce. So yeah fuck marriage n kidz n such. Look at whut a fuckin nerd i am...talkin about marriage n shit. This ryte now shouldn't have to mean ne thing. It should all just be fun n games. But i dont wanna get hurt playin the game but i pretty much already have been hurt by lyking someone so much. So yeah why can't i just recover from this by going out with someone else. Idk im just rly confused n shit. o well. Layter. .? Current Mood: sad Current Music: First Day Out - ICP (5 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Sunday, September 5th, 2004
4:45 pm	I'd do anything for Thee. Don't Ignore me. This is More than a sick love story. I got The Wraith : Hell's Pit not too long ago. The day after it came out. Itz wicked. Yeah so anywayz im up here in Portland n chillin with Seth later. I dunno man..itz lyke..when im up here, i wanna move here. But lyke....when i get home...idk i get confused. I guess i'll wait awhile to make up my mind. I'm waiting for Seth to get here becuz we're supposed to hang out but yeah so im pretty bored. My grandmas got cable internet tho which is fucking sweet becuz i have dial up and that fucking sucks! I hope my stepdad switches to cable kuz im sick of dial up. J'en ai marre! I think that is how u say it. Haha french iz quite amusing. Anywayz yeah so i think im gunna go or sumthin. .? Current Mood: hot Current Music: In My Room - Insane Clown Posse (2 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
3:35 pm	No Heros To Stop Us....It's ourz. i dont know if i wanna move or not. I rly do but then i dont but i do but i dont and i do but i dont and grr im just confused. The only thing that iz stopping me from completely wanting to move iz Cody kuz i love him and i dont wanna leave before he getz back n u know blah. I dont know i guess people just keep telling me that i cant just base my lyfe on him lyke i do. But i dont think they know whut exactly he meanz to me. But then i think whut if im just gunna end up getting hurt? i dont know. I think i should quit expecting everyhting to be perfect when he gets back. Maybe i should just move n i dont know i guess try and move on but i dont think anything will ever be the same. I think im gunna move. Everytyme i think about it i end up coming to the conclusion that i should. So i think i will. Thats my decision ryte now. But i always change my mind every two seconds. I dont know. grr. .? Current Mood: confused Current Music: Conquer - ICP (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
5:21 pm	I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE!!!! My dad found out about sum shit that happened n he came over n talked to me and he wantz me to move in with him becuz supposably my parentz r doing a terrible job or somthing i have no idea. Im pissed Kuz i just dont fucking know im so fucking confused. For one thing i fucking love cody and i cant fucking stop loving cody but i've done so much shit that i shouldnt have done and i feel lyke shit and i love him but i feel lyke i cant be with him or sumthing i dont know whut the fuck im feeling but it fucking sucks ASS! Im so not happy and i dont know how to be happy i want cody to get his ass back here but he wont quit getting in trouble obviously he duznt wanna see me all that bad. Maybe he didnt even rly love me in the first place in which case i am just wasting my tyme. I DONT FUCKING KNOW. Im just not happy. not at all. God. God......U FUCKING ASSHOLE GOD I FUCKING HATE YOU IF YOU'RE REAL I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHUT A FUCKING MEAN EVIL ASS YOU ARE!!!! I wanna move but i wanna stay i dont fucking know. i fucking hate lyfe. I wish i could fucking die but that would be selfish i guess according to the people i care about although there are not many of those. I want cody but itz not fucking happening. THIS IS NOT FUCKING FAIR I'VE WAITED PATIENTLY FOR AUGUST TO COME AND IT CAME N NOW ITZ BASICALLY GONE AND I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. I JUST WANT CODY!! THATS ALL I FUCKING WANT BUT NO I CANT FUCKING HAVE HIM BECUZ THE MILITARY PLACE WONT LET HIM COME HOME. im so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrQ@!@OI#V:Qf,mdsnhklsjeytropaw64opuozgfs,z rk ahaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i cant fucking deal with this. help me. gah u cant help me nobody can fucking help me. they way cody helped me. i need cody. i fucking need cody so bad. i need him. I Fucking Hate Lyfe GRRRR. lagjoiwht im gunna fucking go................ i wanna do sumthing so bad but i know i cant or i'll have be locked away. bye. .? Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: Multiple Myselves - Violent J (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
5:51 pm	Cemetery Baby my Cemetery Girl Cemetery Lady I want you in my world So yeah i'm movin and itz sweet and peace to you all. Im starting over. And everything iz gunna be so much better and wow i'm just really excited about this. becuz i can just make new friendz n such i mean u ppl rule but there are too many ppl that i dont lyke and im just in need of a new beginning. Everything is so fucking stale i just need something different. I'm gunna come back in a year or so becuz im only movin for so long but while im gone i bet i'll change quite a bit. I know i'll be gone when cody getz back but i think i've hurt him too much for me to even face being with him. So i hope he can forgive me for leaving but i will be back. Peace everyone... I will be at skool for a week or so though so you'll get to see me before i leave. Later dudez. .? Current Mood: excited Current Music: Cemetery Girl - ICP (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Friday, August 27th, 2004
2:04 pm	Guess Whut? I'm a Serial Killa It'z a bad habit. I killed Tony, Lucky Charmz, and the Silly Rabbit. I'm going to Lansing today. I guess it will be fun..but w/e. I cant believe we start skool monday. I dont wanna get up early..grrr. Thatz pretty fuckin stale but i guess itz gunna be better this year kuz we're in high skool. At least thatz whut ppl keep tellin me. I hope so. All i know iz that it will help pass tyme faster...which is good kuz then Cody will come home n I'll be so frikin happy! ahh i cant wait. that will be the best thing ever. Im gunna go. .? Current Mood: okay Current Music: House of Horrorz- Insane Clown Posse (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
1:07 am	Well hello boyz n girlz come on in see the show itz the mystical magical great dark carnival. I hung out with Ryan and Steve again today. Such fun that is. Ryan has to clean his room tho so i can come over again tomorrow. Itz gunna suck when he movez kuz he'z such a great friend n yeah itz lyke i'll just have to go n hang out with those other fuckz at skool. lol.. Chelsey n Emily rn't fuckz tho so maybe i'll hang out with them more...idk tho.. I can't wait until cody comes back. I love him so frikin much. god i miss him. grr.. i can't hold on much longer before i go mad without him. K im gunna go. .? Current Mood: good Current Music: Welcome To Thy Show- Insane Clown Posse (1 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Monday, August 23rd, 2004
12:38 am	Whut iz it about a serial killa that attracts you? Wow today wuz fun. Seriously I think I havn't had that much fun just hanging out with people in a long tyme. Steve n Ryan r awesome. I can't wait to hang out with u ppl tomorrow. hahha i'm gunna come over lyke all the tyme now...itz so much better than just sitting in my room n thinkin about stuff n being depressed. Fuck man, we gotta work on makin Steve into a Juggalo. He'd be the fuckin koolest ninja in the world lol. I think if he hangz out with us enuff it just myte end up happening. Wow...i havn't felt so un-depressed in a long long tyme. I think I definitely need to hang out with you guys more often. I'm just happy today and its such a good feeling compared to how i usually feel. It's been a very long tyme since i actually had a good day. thankz so much guyz. .? Current Mood: happy Current Music: Serial Killa - Twiztid (1 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
2:51 am	Blood keeps gushing from the side of my head and I wonder to myself am I alive or dead? Ummm well...today i wuz gunna go to Apple Charlies but then I wuz lyke wutz the point? I mean I'd just sit there in the corner lyke my little outcast self and I'd want so bad to talk and laugh and joke around but for some reason I can't bring myself to do that. Maybe I'm shy... weird. N u know, I would just think about Cody the whole tyme...kuz thatz whut i do. I'd be lyke i miss him and it would be so much better if he wuz here. I can't wait until he comes back and i can stop being so miserable... N i made a big mistake today. I wuz on the fone with Ryan n hiz little brother wuz on the fone too n hiz dog wouldnt shut up n i didnt mean to but i wuz lyke SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! n i guess his little brother iz lyke really sheltered n fuck is a new word to him...lol...i feel so terrible. Corrupting the mindz of children muahahhaa. grr.. N then i told him i wanted to watch a movie when i should have stayed on the fone kuz it wuz mean of me to just hang up on him.... i think he wuz testing me to see if i would really do it. I did. I'm really sorry Ryan if ur reading this. I'll probly call ur cell fone in a few minutez.. That iz if u even still wanna talk to me or ur not sleeping or sumthing Insane lyke that. Alryte so ima call u now. .? Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: Bad Dream - Twiztid (2 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
1:22 pm	Would You Follow me If i Knew Where it Rains Diamonds? I just got back from Lea's birthday party it wuz pretty fun but uhhh its not lyke the usual parties i go to..but in a way i think that is a very good thing. It wuz fun. Tamponz are quite fun to torture sleeping people with. Other than that i havnt been up to much. I watched Nightmare Before Christmas in French with english subtitles...that wuz fun. I'm probly goin to apple charliez later but about this im not quite sure yet. I'm gunna go now i suppose. .? Current Music: It Rains Diamonds - ICP (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Friday, August 20th, 2004
1:22 am	Real Juggaloz dont want know picture they just walk up lyke WUDUP NINJA!     thatz the shit ryte there.     .? Current Mood: blah Current Music: Hound Dogz - Twiztid, ICP, n Blaze (4 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
1:04 am	I can rhyme, I can rap, I can SING, I can clap, I can dance.You should see me ryte now..But you cant hmm...i'm feelin' kinda not too good. i don't feel lyke a very good friend. BITCHES GET OFF DEEZ NUTZ!!! THEY'RE CODY'Z!! .? Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Free Studio - Entire Psychopathic Family (1 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
11:15 pm	we treat lyfe lyke a pussy n we hit it with different stylez sentenced2huron: ur codys babe not theirs SpiNtheBottLe89x: i know:-) sentenced2huron: yeah well SpiNtheBottLe89x: that makez me happy for sum reason sentenced2huron: dont matter now sentenced2huron: lol SpiNtheBottLe89x: lol sentenced2huron: it should sentenced2huron: and cody loves it bein that way sentenced2huron: ha did u know he would actually say hey ryan me and sam are goin out sentenced2huron: like he was braggin sentenced2huron: lol sentenced2huron: he said it all the time SpiNtheBottLe89x: lol sentenced2huron: i was like i know cody sentenced2huron: i know SpiNtheBottLe89x: aww i love him soooooo fuckin much sentenced2huron: he took great pride in havin you SpiNtheBottLe89x: :-) sentenced2huron: im tellin ya sam sentenced2huron: thats all i heard from him sentenced2huron: hey ryan sam is my future wife sentenced2huron: i know man sentenced2huron: u told me sentenced2huron: hey ryan sam is gonna marry me sentenced2huron: i know i know sentenced2huron: lol SpiNtheBottLe89x: lol ahhhhh u dont even know.......i cant even start to explain.....o god...lol...man i love him. sentenced2huron: i know u do sentenced2huron: wow he loves u sentenced2huron: WOW sentenced2huron: its like the only way i can explain his love for you sentenced2huron: is sentenced2huron: WOW SpiNtheBottLe89x: lol sentenced2huron: he never shuts up about u sentenced2huron: EVER SpiNtheBottLe89x: :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-) sentenced2huron: all he talks about is u sentenced2huron: sam sam sam sam sam sam sentenced2huron: he kept writin shit like cody and sam and i love sam and that all over the place too sentenced2huron: most guys are embarassed to talk about how they love someone sentenced2huron: ..............not ur guy sentenced2huron: lol SpiNtheBottLe89x: :-D sentenced2huron: u 2 are lucky to have eachother SpiNtheBottLe89x: ahhh i know itz lyke the best thing in the world! sentenced2huron: u dont hear this stuff enough sammie SpiNtheBottLe89x: i feel so happy:-) this has been the happiest conversation i've had in a loooooong tyme. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Wicked Wild - Esham (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
7:31 pm	Kuz i slip n slide lyke a slinKY...slip n slide with my twinKY Man, sometymez...i just don't know. People are strange. I'm not a people person, truth is I can't stand too many people. Gah..man..people.. just..people...i just don't get them. .? Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Beverly Kills 50187 (step on up, and kiss the clown.)
5:06 pm	You might say..My vocals are up too loud. so i'mA TURN 'EM UP LOUDER TO PISS YOU OFF!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I HAVE INTERNET IN MY ROOM FINally!! yes i am so happy about this! yes! yes! yes! alryte im gunna go now. wOOt wOOt! .? Current Mood: happy Current Music: 85 Bucks An Hour - ICP n Twiztid (2 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)
4:39 pm	Here iz my schedule..... 1. Physical Ed - Gietzen 2. English 9 - Wenau *****TERRIBLE***** 3. Algebra-A - McComb 4. Global Study - Garofalo 5. French 1 - Bonner 6. Sci Topics 1 - Rama If u hav ne classes with me let me kno .? Current Mood: lazy Current Music: Come Out To Play - Anybody Killa (2 ninjaz got clown love step on up, and kiss the clown.)